The Gabba, Voodoo and Some Pigs

The Gabba is an environment so hostile that no visiting team has won there since 1988. Imagine it if you like as the thunder dome in Mad Max 3. Hot as hell, gladiatorial and entirely powered by pig shit.

OK it isn’t powered by pig shit, but it is built on a haunted swamp and a father and son team both called Kevin Mitchell are in charge of the pitch. They are Australia’s answer to Phil and Grant, except they eat mud crabs in their local not jellied eels.

A famous story revolves Kevin and Kevin, which I will recount.  The young Kevin smelt the rain on the wind despite it being 30 degrees and sunny, ran to the local, grabbed the old Kevin who stopped a test match in full flow and put the covers on in the sun. A few seconds later a tropical storm fell out of the clear sky, which would have certainly made the pitch unplayable. Due to their actions play was able to resume and Australia won.

It is clear from this one story alone that there has been a pact made with evil spirits. This can be the only logical explanation as to why The Gabba is such an unhappy hunting ground for visiting teams.

Fans arrive at the Gabba

Its evil voodoo haunted swamp-like nature, forces normally conservative people to make absurd decisions and luck deserts all who enter. The visiting captain hears a whisper on the wind ‘bowl, bowl, bowwwwwwwwllllllll’, next thing they are standing glassy eyed in the middle saying “we are going to have a bowl”. The end of the first day they end up on 350 for 3 with no memory of the toss or idea why they chose to bowl.

Only voodoo can explain why DeFraites and McCague bowled so appallingly in 94, why Hussain chose to bat, why Jones bust his knee in 2002 and why Harmy bowled a ball so wide it didn’t land on the cut strip in 2006.

Other visiting teams have similar tales of woe.

So how can a visiting team combat the dark magic present at the Gabba? The only way is stop a Voodoo spell being placed upon you, acquire some bristles from a pig cooked at a Voodoo ritual, tie the bristles into a bundle and carry them on you at all times.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Ashes

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s