Category Archives: Series Review

England Marks Out of 10

Alistair Cook – 0

Ineligible as he isn’t a human – he’s a cyborg sent from the future who doesn’t sweat and can shoot your hat off your head from 1km away using his robot eyes.

Nick Compton – 5Blocked an end up like Imodium. Would have converted one of his starts and eased his strike rate up with more Brylcream.

Trott – 7Boot nosed top middle order commando came good in the final push over the top.

Pietersen – 7.4321

Flower’s plan to hypnotise KP into thinking he was playing in Indian Premier Test League for the Delhi Dirtdevil’s worked spectacularly in 2nd test.

Bell – 4

Once the reviews for his biopic film The Hobbit was out, Bell was able to relax with an unbeaten hundred.

Joe Root – 10joe root

In Pakistani years, Root is 10. Amazing achievement.

Prior – 10

Purely for his post match press conference where he didn’t sound like the ECB’s ventriloquist dummy. Also kept and batted well and because he will never turn to the dark side – the advanced hair studio.

Bresnan – 1

Utter tripe, I say… ah I say utter tripe.

Finn – 8

Actually bowled fast which seems to be out of fashion for English fast bowlers. Didn’t fall over either.

Swann – 9

Reports of his bowling demise greatly exaggerated. Made Pujara who seemed Dravidesque his internet bought boy wife.

Anderson – 9

Bent his back and bowled like a white Wasim

Panesar – 9

His new low hand clappy whistly celebration justifies a score of 9 let alone his wickets.


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